To grow is to let go

Four years ago, I was in a class with B & J, the former of whom I’ve met a year prior. Within that semester and the times after, we became a sort of a trio.

Being around these two was certainly better than being around the human trash that was my old friend group.

Like some friendships do, we eventually stopped talking to one another. Granted, I was in seldom contact with B, but things weren’t as they once were.

I wanted to make a video sitcom series with these two guys. But then I discovered that B & J were no longer Facebook friends for whatever reason. So I figured I’d just make videos with B.

Which never happened, despite my attempts to meet up with B, who’d be non-responsive; when he was responsive, he said he would get back to me, which never happened.

Recently, J started talking to us again, which led to me meeting him in person. B was (of course) non-responsive about it.

It was the briefest and most awkward reunion I’ve had.

We met outside of a bar before going in. J wasn’t quite himself, as if he had spent the last three years doing drugs and is now recovering from it. Apparently he’s out of it because of his current sleep pattern, which requires him to wake up early for work therefore needing to sleep early.

(the reason why I’d write such a thing is because J was/is not the “cleanest” person around, to say the least. Sorry, J)

We sat a table, with me trying to initiate conversation; half of our time was in awkward silence as J was staring in the direction of one of the TVs.

We left the bar soon after. I accompanied J to the bus stop where he was to take the bus home. J initiated the idea of meeting up again with other people.

Just last week, J asked me if I had any luck with contacting B, who had been quiet even before then. J told me that “earlier”, B said he only liked being around his friends. Earlier in time or earlier that day? J never answered me.

You have one guy who’s non-responsive and flaky and you have another who has a history of trashiness and would also be flaky.

That video sitcom series? Consider it officially dead. If it was years ago, it’d hurt a lot to acknowledge the fact, and even now it hurts somewhat.

When you have other things to focus on, it gives you an alternative reason to push forward. An alternative purpose.

But like I said, it’s officially dead. I am open to doing the video sitcom series, but it will require a certain level of friendship, one where I know I can at least trust these guys.

Because you’re either going to grow with me or on your own; I’m not letting anyone hold me back.

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